#Winnie is such a little shit

[awanderingrat]

I JUST PLAYED COLD FRONT AND WINNIE AND AUGUSTINE LIVE IN MY BRAIN RENT FREE NOW

[highlifeboat]

Billy and Sarah bonding over talking shit about Winnie🤣🤣

Also Winifred being so used to making decisions for her sisters, she legitimately believes Sarah wasn't capable to do it on her own accord :p

You know what my favourite thing about the whole affair is? The fact that, supposedly, Billy and Winnie shared one kiss. One kiss, when they were 16/17 years old, and Winnie just never let that shit go.

Then 40 years later she finds out that Sarah and Billy hooked up, and that Billy loves Sarah, and just cannot believe the audacity of this man. So she kills him.

And actually that's a valid point. Winnie believing Sarah doesn't have the capability to decide to go seduce Billy of her own accord. Clearly Billy must have taken some advantage of Sarah's naivety and their strange lust for men. I like to think she was still upset with Sarah, but never outright blamed her for it, and Sarah just never told her the truth.

They did feel kind of bad when Billy was killed, though.

[soliddaddy96]

chapters will have silly titles nd then be the saddest thing youve ever laid eyes on

[skenpiel]

oooooooohhghhh

oouuuujhhhjj

[oozmart]

Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your three best and/or favorite fanarts/fanfics/moodboards/whatever that you've made, then pass on to others. No self-deprecation allowed! Let's get this self-love going ON!

OMG Thank you I super appreciate this!

I've been drawing a lot more recently and I def have some pieces I'm super proud of. All of them are of my OCs of course cause idk how to draw anything else lmao

Definitely have to share this one. This is one of my newest OCs, Janey Honeyfly. She's shy, cute, and loves to read. I'm really proud of this piece because it was the first time I fooled around with lighting and it feels a lot more natural than some of my other drawings. Also I love trying out dynamic pose and background. It feels good putting a lot of effort into a piece and being satisfied with the result.

I think I made this one last year. This is my Don't Hug Me I'm Scared OC, Winnie the Walkman. She teaches exercise through aerobics and dancing. Everything she does is super 80's because of her age. I love her so much. Winnie is one of those OCs that hit the ground running. She practically made herself. This piece is sort of vent art? I had some stress in my life during my DHMIS era. Queen of Disaster by Llana Del Rey was big Inso for this piece. Thats why the mixtape popping out of her case says "Disaster Mix". Also I loved drawing her organs.

Last one! I wanted to pick something a little more simple to show off. Also wanted to share one of my most treasured OCs. This is Spooky! She's part of an original story I'm writing with the working title Spooky World. I don't draw her a ton but when I do it's the exact same pose and outfit every time lol. Thats just how it be. But when I do draw her, I get to compare it to my last Spooky and see the improvement in my art.

Thanks for reading all of this if you did! I really appreciate when my characters get a lot of love 💖💖💖

[non-un-topo]

Robax has decided to (mostly) work for me today, peace and love on planet earth

[livvyofthelake]

DIE. btw. multicolor christmas lights are the only valid way. plain white light freak. i bet you only have like. matching sphere ornaments too huh. god you people are weird stay away from me forever thank you

[regallibellbright]

Me, managing along in Pokemon Violet, dealing with the knowledge that, per speedrunners, I have the significantly slower-performing version. (In-game time vs actual time has something like a ten-minute difference in Scarlet and twelve minutes in Violet.) And I’ve always found battles slower than I’d like, especially when you can’t turn animations off. Like in this game. Okay, this is fine.

I get just got the Cascarrafa Gym badge. Next, per level scaling, is either Medali Gym, the Lurking Steel Titan, or Atticus.

In terms of distance to Cascarrafa, Medali’s closest.

I cannot fucking FIND the approach out of Cascarrafa that will get me near Medali for the life of me. I try several attempts that lead to nowhere because the in-game map does not signpost those particular cliffs. I get annoyed encountering Tauros and one-hit KO a Chansey I actively wanted to catch. And then there’s this bridge. It looks like (to my hopelessly spatially-challenged ass) it is leading in generally the right direction.

The Pokemon trainer on one side of the bridge has level 27-33 Pokemon, like I do.

The Pokemon trainer on the other side of the bridge has a level 53 Mismagius.

I realize this, and that I somehow ended up in an area WAY overleveled for me, and resign myself to a team wipe.

The Mismagius’s favorite move is Phantom Force, a two-turn move. I resign myself to a very SLOW team wipe. The last of my Pokemon with a dark-type move is my Noibat. Who has Quick Claw, since his Speed isn’t where I want it to be for, you know, a Noivern.

His Quick Claw activates on the turn where Mismagius is intangible, so I don’t even get THAT hit in.

At this point I actually scream in frustration and my mother asks if I’m okay, since that was the single most irritating thing the RNG could possibly do. Unfortunately, I don’t have autosave on because I was worried about glitches at launch and hadn’t turned it back on yet, so if I reset, I lose all progress and have to do the Gym fight and Gym cutscene again. I don’t wanna deal with the Gym cutscenes again.

Now, fortunately, I also have a Clodsire (who gets Poison Point on the Mismagius when it KOs her with Phantom Force) and an Azumarill. So I’m down to Azumarill, waiting to wipe, and have been looking away from the screen except to change Pokemon because it’s SO EXCRUCIATINGLY SLOW, and get the victory fanfare because somehow this stalled Mismagius out, since its AI kept using a two-turn move when it was poisoned and evidently either used it against a WATER TYPE when I know it had Magical Leaf, or Azumarill could tank a super-effective hit from a Pokemon 20 levels higher but without STAB. Could be either. I did not think to get video of this bullshit.

So I’m obviously done for the night, having healed and saved, because I have NO patience left for the game anymore. I played for maybe thirty minutes in total. I’m starting to see why I haven’t felt as motivated to play this game as to do… anything else, really. I’ve managed to beat both Let’s Go and Shining Pearl, I refuse to let this one beat me, and I AM having fun when things are going well. I like the Team Star gameplay, I have fun with the other two when I’m not putting up with performance issues and VERY SLOW elevator cutscenes, I love my dragon bike, I KNOW the story is good because I’ve seen Bro handle the climax… but the performance issues ARE kicking my ass and I am evidently struggling with the open world in a way I did not with Legends Arceus, at least at this particular point.

I don’t like Pokemon making me feel THIS frustrated in THAT little time.

[barbylion]

i'm trying to show you guys a clip of my nugu ass husband and it's taking FOREVER

[floral-hex]

me, sitting on the corner of my bed in just a tshirt, eating cold lo mein: i’m in a good place 😬 mentally

[tinytalkingtina]

Cool Whip

Rating M | WC 1330 | Ao3 link

Tags: getting together, first kiss, innuendo, bisexual steve and eddie, eddie speed-runs a sexuality crisis, inappropriate use of whipped cream, fast burn (these two have never gone slow in their lives), fade to black

Written for the STWG July 28 prompt "Oh. Oh."

Steve stared at Eddie in complete silence.

Eddie fidgeted under his gaze. “So. Perhaps. In this instance, giving into the gremlin that lives inside my head was not the best choice I could have made,” he said sheepishly.

“Really Edward. You don’t say.” Steve was still holding the incriminating weapon, had been since he confiscated it. Every so often he twirled it around in his hands.

“What if you uhhh, did it back to me? We’ll be even?” he offered. “Come on, it’s fine, I won’t even fight you on it!”

“Can’t do that because we’re at my house, not yours, and this was my last pair of clean pants and underwear. So, unless you want to walk around like Winnie the fucking Pooh for the rest of the night, maybe we don’t spray whipped cream down your jeans too.” 

Steve ran an agitated hand through his hair. “I’m going to go take a shower and wash this shit off of my junk now, ‘kay? Just put the ice cream back in the freezer, we can do a movie night together another time, I guess.” Disappointment was written all over his face. Oops, Eddie didn't realize how much he must have been looking forward to watching Raiders of the Lost Ark. 

As Steve turned around to go, Eddie knew he should let him. Unfortunately, Nosnum Eidde, the impulsive gremlin living in his brain, was still firmly in control.

“Wait, let’s not waste it. Let me clean you up!” He blurted out.

What?

“What?” Steve was staring again, this time with eyes wide in confusion.

“Let me…clean up the mess I made. On your body.”

“Eddie I really can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

It did sound like a joke didn’t it. But if it was a joke, why was the thought sending sparks of lighting along his spine. 

“I don’t. Don’t think I’m joking right now,” Eddie said slowly. “Give me a minute here.”

It wasn’t like his brain had a perfect track record when it let Nosnum have the wheel. Like those times it had told him that he could climb the tallest tree in the trailer park without getting stuck at the top, or point out how hypocritical O’Donnell was acting during class without getting detention. 

But it had also gotten things right on occasion. And with Steve standing so close, it was busy pointing out things Eddie hadn't thought about before: like for example, when Steve chewed on his lips in agitation, they became invitingly plump. And, despite the growing damp spot on the front, those jeans were still hugging Steve's ass perfectly. 

Perhaps most importantly, he wasn't rushing forward to punch Eddie's lights out for insinuating, well. He just stood there with a faint blush coloring his cheeks. In his house, a place currently unoccupied by anyone else, not even Robin. While wearing a shirt that was just on the wrong side of too tight with his hair coiffed for a night out and oh my G-d—

“Steve…was tonight supposed to be a date?” Eddie was shocked the question fell out of his mouth so steadily.

The blush on Steve's face grew darker. “I mean, sort of? Was getting mixed signals from you but—yeah.” He shrugged. “We haven’t been able to hang out one on one since I figured things out. Thought I’d see how tonight went before making a move.”

“Oh. You. You had a plan to seduce me.” Eddie wheezed a little. "You like me like that?"

“I uh, kind of put two and two together about a month ago. Had a really long talk with Robin, and turns out apparently normal men don't want to, you know, make out with their guy friends. Or imagine Harrison Ford holding a whip when he’s all sweaty and—wait, what about you, Mr. 'Propositioning My Friends To Use My Mouth?’ How long have you known?"

“About five minutes consciously.” Eddie said in a strangled voice. “Maybe ten if we consider what I did to your pants subliminal foreplay.”

Steve snorted. The gremlin in Eddie’s brain was convinced this made him even more attractive. Huh, maybe this had been going on for longer than he had realized, if a snort could set him off.

“Not really sure what submarines have to do with Cool Whip, but yeah we can probably count that. Welcome to the ‘part gay’ club man! You’re taking this really well, no offense.” Steve pat him on the back, the brief contact sending more sparks through his veins.

“Yeah, in 1985 I’d probably be doing something destructive right about now.” Eddie agreed. “But the me of 1987 can’t really muster up the energy for another panic attack after finding out about inter-dimensional portals or. You know. Everything else that happened.” Wow, real smooth Eddie, way to kill the mood of whatever fever dream was happening right now.

“Besides,” he tried for a joke. “1987 Eddie has a high school diploma. My brain’s so full of facts there’s no more room for anything else unless we shove it into my mouth and—“ His eyes widened as he caught up with what he was saying. He ducked to hide behind his hair. “Uh, what I mean was, um. Yeah I’ve got nothing to say for that.”

Steve gave another adorable snort and walked closer. “We may have to work our way up to that one, but maybe I could give your mouth something else to put its lips around instead?”

“Dude that doesn’t even—what, do you want me to vacuum seal your mouth with mine? How would we, wait, please tell me that isn’t the secret move you pulled that had all the cheerleaders in school losing their minds over?” Eddie squeaked out.

Steve blushed again even as he laughed. “First of all I only ever actually dated like, three people in high school, I wasn’t as big a slut as rumors made me out to be. And okay that might have sounded better in my head, but in my defense I kind of can’t think of anything but kissing you right now.”

Eddie rapidly nodded his head. “Yes, that’s. We should do that. Please.” After a slight roadblock in which both of them on autopilot tried to take the lead and grab the other’s face, they finally managed to actually press their lips against each other.

And oh. Oh. 

Look, this was far from Eddie’s first kiss. But this was the first time someone still wanted to kiss after seeing him eat eggs with maple syrup on them. Or who knew he secretly slept with his childhood stuffed animal. Because Steve wasn’t angling to get cheaper weed, or trying to get back at his parents by having Eddie knock on the door in his ripped jeans for a date.

Steve knew Eddie’s whole sordid history, and kissed him anyway, holy shit.

The kiss itself was short and relatively chaste. But after they stopped, Steve didn’t immediately lean out of Eddie’s space. Instead he gave the tip of Eddie’s nose a quick peck before resting their foreheads together. A giggle bubbled up out of Eddie’s chest.

Steve rapped his knuckles on Eddie’s head. “Everything okay up there?”

“You like me. Steeeeve Harringtonnn likes me!” Steve smiled softly at him as he cupped Eddie’s cheek in his palm.

“Yeah, I do, you big dork. And I’d love to continue this, but because someone sprayed whipped cream onto my junk, I need to go shower it off before it gets even crunchier because wow, this is uncomfortable.”

Now it was Eddie’s turn to blush. “Sorry about that again. But if you want maybe uh, maybe I could join you and actually help clean it off?”

Steve smirked. “I think we can work something out, yeah. Come on.”

Running up the stairs while Steve tightly held his hand, Eddie decided that perhaps this time, his brain might have had the right idea after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that evening:

Eddie: "Wait, I was flirting with you the entire Spring Break from hell wasn't I."

Steve: "That was point #1 on Robin's 'Eddie is into you' list."

Eddie: "In hindsight this does explain why she kept saying I could be myself around her last week. I used the opportunity to give her a 2 hour long intro to metal music lesson."

Steve: "Yeah, she said I still owe her for that."

@augustjustice @stellarspecter Come get your fast burn Steddie!

[virtueofsanityx]

"maybe i like you stuck like this." damocles' retort was simple, somewhat playful, but no less truthful for it. the fact of the matter was, there was something fascinating about winnie being stuck as she was, trapped in skin that felt wrong. he'd known them like this for more than a century, and each and every moment of it's life was fascinating in a new and different way. changing it back would mean losing out on the irrational outbursts and amusing moments of almost humanity it displayed. guaranteed adventure was not what dam saw. "my interest is in the permenance of longevity, not imminent ends, anyway. if i can bottle immortality, maybe the opposite is also true. setting you free from your flesh prison is an interesting endeavor, but what if it's impossible? curses have intent, don't they? fairy stories tell us that there are lessons to be learned. it's the opposite of the beast, you've been turned from a monster to a beautiful human, and now you have to learn some lesson about it." now, all playfulness had taken over as damocles smirked at winnie, resting his chin on his upturned palm. "what have you leaned as a pretty femme presenting human, winnie?"

"if you haven't grown tired of life yet, what would make you so inclined to believe that you will at some point?" winnie posited, still largely ignoring damocles. both eyes were focused somewhere in the far distance as pyres of countless relevant thoughts flickered, roared, and waned behind the violet irises. "we already know the cure to vampirism is death. the blessing is it's immortality, the curse is that you will never grow old with anyone." the subtle hope his desires were less transparent than they currently appeared burned just inside winnie's chest. they all had curses; some were more restrictive than others. "but if you remain so keenly interested in an imminent end, which is all death is, I'll kill you. so your time would be better spent figuring out how to fucking free me instead; that, at least, is a guaranteed adventure."

[unholybacon355]

Kinktober Day 14 - NingNing x M! Reader

Kinktober Masterlist

One thing was clear about your relationship, if it could be called like that, and that was that you two don't get along. There was something that people could call hate between you two. That was why was so weird the first time that happened. 

That day you were fighting over something stupid, like always, but things get physical and Yizhuo pushed you out of the way. You didn’t want to move, thighs escalated and you two almost feel off. And the next thing you knew was that you were kissing, kinda violently but kissing after all. And you ended fucking over your sister bed. 

After all she put back on her clothes and ran out of your house. You never talked about that what happened that day, as if you had and unspoken agreement to forget that. But happened again, and again, and again, but you still hate each other. 

Ning Yixhuo is your sister’s best friend, so she’s always around your house, even on some family dinners and trips. You at least see her two times per week, and that annoy you, because she’s annoying. Her laugh is so loud, she is so conceited, so proud of herself that you can’t stan her. But she’s so good fucking, she does things that nobody has did to you. And puta that expression when she’s having an orgasm that drives you crazy. In so many ways she’s amazing, and that make you hate her even more.

For all that was weird when that evening she presented at your front door with a clear proposition to you.

"What's up little piece of shit. Are you alone?” She knew you was, she knew the rest of your family was out of town for the weekend.

“What do you want?” You asked, pushing her head when she was trying to sneak in the house. “You know my sister isn't here.”

“Oh, right. And since you're soooo pathetic you don't have friends.” Yizhuo pushed you and entered the house. With great annoyance you closed the door behind her.

“What do you want? Torturing me when my sister is around now isn't enough for you?” 

“ Are you up for a quickie?” She blatantly asked out of the blue. “What mean that face? Of course I hate you, but the way you fuck me is so addictive. And I hate you even more for that. So what's gonna be? I need and answer now... Bastard." She added that last word as if were making sure that you understood that she still hates you.

“Are you being serious?” You grabbed your hair not knowing what’s happening. “This is some kind of twisted joke, isn’t it?”

“Do you wanna fuck me or not?” Yizhuo put her hand on your crotch and strokes you over the clothes. “I don’t have all day.”

“Oh come on!!” You knew whats gonna be your answer even before speak. “If that make you leave me alone I’ll fuck the shit out of you.”

“Fine.” Yizhuo throws you a condom that only Gods knows where she was hiding, and start undressing between giggles. “Put it on. I’m not getting a STD from yout little winnie.”

“Right here? This is my family house doorway, if you haven¿t noticed.”

“Oh! We can go to the living room. That couch is very comfy.” She was already half way to the living room when she pointed that about the couch. You couldn’t not look at her beautiful round ass when she was walking. 

Despite your bad relationship you have to admit that Yizhuo is very hot. If she weren’t that annoying probably you would had tried to hit on her a lot of time ago. Her curves were delicious and the shape of her body could drive crazy almost anyone. She literally could have any other guy at her feet, but instead she decided to pick you to fulfill her desires, and that inflates your ego.

Releasing and audible sigh you start undressing, tossing your clothes away on a totally not sexy but quick way, and immediately reunite with Yizhuo on the living room. She’s already lying on the couch, putting and show to you. Her hand is between her open leg warming her shaved pussy and giving you something to get hard. She already have two fingers inside her when you finished putting on the condom she gave you moments ago. 

“Hurry up!! I’m starting to get bored.”

You roll your eyes before grabbing her by her thighs and drag her to the edge of the couch. She uses the hand that was on her pussy to align your shaft with her wet entrance and you slam your entire length inside her without a warning. 

“Fucking bastard be kind!!” Yizhuo slaps you in the face leaving a trace of her slick on your now red cheek, but that does nothing more that turn you on. 

“I thought you wanted to get dicked so bad that couldn’t wait any longer.” Your pace is fast from the start, not giving Yizhuo any chance to get used to have your dick inside her. And her far from hate it is in ecstasy, after all that was why she was here on first place. 

“Your fucking dick feels so good!! OMG!!” Yizhuo was practically crying out of pure pleasure, and you have to admit that you enjoy so much having her like that. It was so pleasant have the girl you hate the most with her legs open for you, with her pussy squeezing your shaft and her face grimacing with pleasure.

“You can even shut up when I’m fucking you. Why you have to be so annoying?”

“Because I hate you but I’m addicted to your pathetic winnie… YES, YES.. LIKE THAT!!” She scream when you put one of her legs over your shoulder and turn her over so that she is lying on one of her sides, with her legs more open than ever. “Fucking piece of shit, you gonna make me cum!”

“What a needy bitch you’re.” You draw circles over her clit and that’s enough to make her reach her climax. Yizhuo is shaking and moaning over the couch while you keep fucking her at the same fast pace. She doesn't protest, instead just grab your hand and intertwines her fingers with yours, seeking for some support.

“Le-Leave me rest.” She say with a little bit of work, so you let go of her hand and take your dick out of her soaking pussy. Both of you are panting, breathing like animal. Suddenly you feel tired and have to sit down on the floor because your thighs are burning. Yizhuo’s pussy is so good that you didn’t even noticed the effort you were putting on fucking her. 

From the floor you can see that her pretty face his red, and some of her hair is stuck to her forehead with sweat. She look beautiful like that, the idea of you being the cause of that make you feel proud again. “Bet you could take more. But I thought needy bitches like you cum fast.”

“Leave me alone… I’m ovulating.” She try to make an excuse out of that. “Wanna fuck me from behind?” Yizhuo ask already kneeling  on the floor with a lot of effort, and putting her arms over the couch to support her weight. “And don’t even try to slide on my ass, that’s totally out of limits for you… Bastard.”

“What are those manners? At least be grateful. I’m sure you would love me letting your shitty hole wide open.” 

“Just put your dick back on my pussy or I swear to god I’m leaving now.”

“Fineee Bitch. But i’m slapping you fat ass.” And you do what you say, so your hand hit her cheek making her whole butt tremble. With a smile on your face and before she can protest you slide your dick back on her wet pussy. This time you could feel how her walls adjust quickly to your length. 

Her previous orgasm made Yizhuo more sensible so you have her moaning since the first thrust. You could get used to the sounds she does while you’re fucking her if wasn´t for the poisoned words she spit to you between whimpers. Calling you names and insulting you on creative ways to try to hide her pleasure. 

One of your hands is on her waist while the other grabs her hair on a ponytail and pull it. You feel how her pussy throb when you do that. “Why you have to be so good at fucking me?” She ask while you're mercyless clapping her cheeks with your thrusts, but you don’t have answer for that because you feel the same way. Yizhuo drives you crazy and make you want more and more from her, but there is the little detail that you hate each other. So all you can do instead is just fuck the shit out of her.

“Yes fucking loser, right there!!” Obviously this isn’t the first time you fuck Yizhuo from behind, so you know how she like it and where to hit with your dick. Which inevitably leads to her second orgasm of the evening.

This time you couldn’t keep fucking her through her orgasm because her spasms are more violently makin her collapse over the floor, getting out of your grip. Your dick make a pop sound when leave her tight pussy. 

“Oh God, I can move my legs.” You can see how her thighs are still shaking and her back is moving while she’s trying to catch a breath. Her face is laying over the carpet with her massy black hair covering it.

“Get up, I ain't finished with you.”

“You didn’t listened that I can’t move?” Yizhuo says with a hint of anger in her voice. “God, my pussy aches. Just jack off looking at my ass. You love it, I saw you staring before.”

“At least you could show some gratitude and suck me off.”

“What part of I can move you don’t understand?”

“So you just came begging for my dick. I make you cum twice and all I get is jack off looking at your ass? You stupid bitch, you gonna pay for this.” Putting back on your feet you take out the condom and stark stroking your dick. You hate to admit but her ass is worth to cum for, with a perfect round shape and a delicious crack between her fat cheeks. Maybe you should take a picture to help you on your lonely nights.

Putting that thoughts away you keep stroking your shaft till the point you know you're about to cum, then you kneel beside her and point your tip to her bare butt. The first ropes of your semen hit the crack of her ass and then you pointed high to the lower part of her back, spraying your seed over her pale skin.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOOOOOOIIIINNGGG!!” You listen her cream over your giggles.

[inbabylontheywept]

xc lends itself to stories well because it has all the weird overlapping insanities of group dynamics and hypoxia and Male Bonding and definitely a little bit of masochism.

and for my second xc story in like a week, we used to do this run down to the local public pool in the summers of hs because the temp was like, 110-115. fucking bastard heat. and this one girl had The Audacity to wear this extremely normal and fine two piece swimsuit that showed approximately a half inch of waist and a bellybutton. this of course was a mortal insult to one particular group of mormons who were so scandalized that they talked to the coach who in turn talked to the group about how Someone Wore a Two Piece Swimsuit and it made Some People very uncomfortable and that the dress code was now one piece swimsuits. and of course the poor girl was absolutely mortified.

now, the varsity were actually really good people in general, but one of them, who i shall name RJ, was just awesome. that sonofabitch could run like a 14:00 5k, but he still had this big ol potbelly, and he was the only person i knew who didnt get nauseous after running. the absolute brainfuck of running in the 110 degree heat along the canals, just struggling to breathe, and then getting smoked by this potbelled toothpick eating a bag of flaming hot cheetoes is just hard to understate. hed go up into the stands during track and buy hotdogs. just a legend. fuck that guy, but you know, in the way where im really just jealous of him.

anyway, RJ took genuine offense to this girl being called out for her totally normal swimsuit so when the next public pool run came around he showed up in a speedo. and it was the xc hivemind thing, where we all knew if we could just, somehow, keep the coach from noticing this guy until we actually pulled out and started running down the block, we were golden. so me and a bunch of other guys gathered around him like the secret service, and we did our stretches, got ready and left, and then RJ, being the beautiful majestic man muffin that he is, popped his shirt off, ran directly to the front of the mormon group, and proceeded to give himself the most brutal wedgie i can describe. practically stretched the speedo over his shoulders. you couldnt get a clearer vision of this mans ass with the hubble telescope.

so the mormon group tried to pass him, which was like stupid of them - nobody passed RJ unless they were willing to piss blood. they tried, they tried so hard to get around him and avoid the blaring eyewatering burn of this mans ghost white ass, but it didnt work, so they tried slowing down which is also something RJ could do indefinitely so eventaully they just kind of gave up and tried not to notice the extremely noticable hairy white butt camped in front of them for the entire three mile run to the pool.

the coach did notice about halfway through the run, but by then there wasnt much he could do. we argued very eloquently between panting and coughing and generally suffering that a speedo is, in fact, a one piece swimsuit, and thus the letter of the law had been fulfilled. id say, i dunno, maybe a hundred of us argued the case.

surprisingly, there was no follow up conversation banning speedos. RJs disapproval of the ban wouldve been enough, but the speedo underlined it in red a few times and at the next run to the pool, several other girls wore tankinis and nobody said shit.

(RJ told me if they had, the next run to the pool wouldve just been him winnie-the-poohing it, and i almost dont doubt it.)

[smthscoming]

"no, come on." beckett dismissed her worries with a waved hand, moving down between the pews as he peered around. "there's gotta be somethin' interesting in here... more interesting than back in town, anyway." the sound of his shoes shuffling through the dust spread through the great hall, the walls seeming to echo with whispers. only when he was almost at the pulpit did he turn around, looking at winnie. something gave way a little as he scrutinised her face in the half-dark. "we'll go for a soda after this, okay? i just want to look around a bit more."

open: m/f/nb based: x (church girl gf x unholy bf/gf with an accidental demonic possession twist) who: winifred “winnie” perkins, she/her, 26, farmer’s daughter pinterest

“ok, ok… we’re here it, we’ve seen it. can we go home now? ain’t nothin’ in here but dirt and cockroaches…” broken glass crunched underfoot as winnie tentatively stepped through the doorway, somewhat certain she’d be struck down by a bolt of lightning just for crossing the threshold. “c'mon, can we please leave? it stinks…”

[jungle-angel]

Our Nest (Bob Floyd x Reader)

Summary: You and Bob are preparing for your little one's arrival and already, shenanigans have ensued

Warnings: Pregnancy, parenthood, Auggie being a menace etc.

Tagging: @floydsmuse @attapullman @callmemana @withahappyrefrain @rhettabbotts @sebsxphia and the lovely @bradshawsbaby my darling, I leave this as a little gift for you 🥰🥰🥰🥰

It was one of those gloriously warm spring days in Montana when all the flowers were in bloom, the windows of the house open to let in the breeze and the birds singing. The lilacs and the crape myrtles that you and Bob had planted after your wedding several years before had fully bloomed already, releasing their heady scents and causing more than a few sneezing fits.

Bob hummed a little as he organized the bookshelf in the corner of the nursery, right next to the rocking chair. Already Meemaw and Papa had sent over an old box of books that had been his when he was a baby, each one carefully picked with all the love in the world and inscribed with his date of birth and a message from Meemaw and Papa.

"Whatcha got Bob?" you asked folding one of the little blue onesies to put in the laundry.

"All the books that were mine when I was a baby," he answered. "Got Baby's Good Morning Book, Baby's Bedtime Book, Baby's Story Book, the Christmas Stories, Child's Story Book, Child's Fairy Tale Book, Peter Rabbit and.......looks like Winnie The Pooh too."

You couldn't help but ooh and aah over the books and their illustrations. You wished you could have a few of them to hang on the walls.

"Hey!" chirped a little toddler voice. "Get out me swamp!!"

You and Bob laughed when you saw Auggie running to the door with the kitchen broom as soon as the doorbell rang, when who should enter but Jake Seresin himself, greeted by his godson wielding a broom.

"Bob! I think Shrek's at it again!" Jake announced. "He's chasing me out of his swamp!"

"You're the one who had to show him that movie," Bob informed him.

Jake rolled his eyes as Auggie laughed and hugged his leg, hanging on for dear life and giggling like crazy as Jake lifted one leg and then the other.

"How goes Mommas?" Jake said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Good, save for the fact that my husband is right there watching you," you chuckled.

"Hey it's called being courteous, it's technically not flirting," Jake explained.

"Although Natasha might disagree."

Jake made a noise that caught in his throat, his hand moving quickly to protectively cup his denim clad scrotum.

"That's what we thought," Bob said with a shit eating grin.

Jake gathered up Auggie to go and cause havoc elsewhere for the day, leaving you and Bob to finish putting together the nursery. You unpacked all the baby clothes, blankets, shoes and other things your family and friends had sent you over the last few months including adorable little bunnies, puppies, bears, elephants and duckies for your little boy.

"Oh remember this?" you laughed, unfolding one of the blankets from the box.

"Oh, my Uncle Red's wife made that years ago," Bob cooed, holding up the little ducky quilt. "I used to sleep with it every night and Mom had to wrestle it away just to wash it."

You and Bob shared a few laughs as you kept organizing and putting everything together. Outside, you could see two mountain bluebirds in the nest they had made in the crape myrtle, wondering if there were any eggs due to hatch. Already the chicks had begun to hatch while there were more horse and cow births happening at least twice a week. The bunnies too had been hard at work, their numbers multiplying in the last few weeks as well.

"Oof," you breathed, feeling your baby kick. "Oh I know little guy, you're ready."

Bob helped you up from where you had been sitting, letting you lean against him as his hand rested gently on your belly. "Did he drop?" he asked.

You nodded.

Bob smiled broadly as he knelt to kiss your bump. "Now you wait a minute mister," Bob chuckled. "There's still some things we need to get ready for you."

You laughed as Bob pressed a sweet kiss to your lips. He wasn't wrong. Even though you were days away from giving birth, there were still so many things to do in such a tiny time frame.

The next few days were spent prepping the house and finishing the nursery. The laundry and the last of your knitting went smoothly although your cats would have said otherwise. Bluey and Echo, Bob's two blue-heelers, had taken to fetching the oddest things from the other rooms which led to an odd assortment of everything piling up in the living room. But you wouldn't have had it any other way.

At last, the day had come, a warm and calm night when you woke up suddenly after your water broke unexpectedly. Jake and Natasha came to take Auggie back to their place for a while, while your midwife came to the house to help. Bob stayed with you the whole time, just as he had done with Auggie, letting you squeeze his hand as you relaxed in the warm bath.

At long last, on June 1st, at 1:30 in the morning, your sweet little boy, Patrick Lewis Floyd, was born; sharing a birthday with Bob's father Joe. As soon as you were back in yours and Bob's shared bed, he snapped a few photos and sent them to his parents, siblings and the Daggers. It's not long before his phone is flooded with messages, all from the proud aunts, uncles and grandparents of your new little boy.

Joe and Irene, Bob's parents, are proud as ever of their grandson and of you both, more so now that Joe can joke about Patrick being his birthday present for that year. His Meemaw and Papa are all too proud to be great-grandparents again, all of them offering to come by and help with whatever is needed.

You and Bob wake later the next day at the sound of Patrick's fussing in the little bedside bassinet, Bob carefully lifting him into his arms and bringing him to the window to hear the birds singing. Patrick calms right down as soon as he's heard the birds sing and as soon as he's latched onto you to feed.

And when you and Bob are snuggled in your shared bed with Auggie coming in to see his new baby brother, you are both overjoyed and happy at the little nest you've built together.